just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
