4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
