Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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