sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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