I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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