I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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