he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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