the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
