if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
