my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
