i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
