bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
