I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
