i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
