he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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