Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish I only lived at night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
