I think I won the penis lottery.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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