God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
