After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
