ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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