the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
