he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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