1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
