I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
