I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
