I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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