When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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