Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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