A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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