My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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