Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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