Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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