You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
