genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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