thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
