...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
