P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
