Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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