everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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