U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
