Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
