They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want a musical about memes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
