is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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