I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
