I'm so fucking centered right now
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
