Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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