Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
