hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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