Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Green mimosas i think yes
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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