just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
