he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
