Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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