pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
