The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
