Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
