I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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