They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
