just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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