Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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