i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize