God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
