I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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