In the future we'll all be gay
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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