he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
