Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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