She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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