Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just high enough for therapy.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
