Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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