Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
