That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
