How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
