I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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