This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
