just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
