I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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