What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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