well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
