he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
