The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
