I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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