Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
