I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
